


Liar, Liar(temporarily discontinued)

by tangomarine



Series: broken glass [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor is so gay for Evan wow, F/M, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-01-07 13:54:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangomarine/pseuds/tangomarine
Summary: Connor Lives AUHe fucked up his life.He fucked up his first day of senior year.He even fucked up killing himself.But what happens when it blows over and he has to confront people?He can face Jared.He can face Alana.He can face Zoe, or even Evan.But he can’t face himself.AKA Connor Murphy is a liar, and he can’t seem to break the cycle that led him to that day in the park.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically Connor survived, but he didn’t get better and now he has a crush on Evan and things w his dad suck even more

Things had returned to what passed for normal. Connor was trying to quit-he wasn’t stupid enough to go cold turkey, that would probably just backfire and royally bite him in the ass-but he was getting better. He hadn’t gotten help, but at least he wasn’t actively planning his suicide, which counted for something. He and Zoe weren’t at each other’s throats, Kleinman was leaving him alone. The voices in his head had faded to background noise. Things weren’t good, but at least they weren’t actively spiraling out of control.

The thing was, Connor couldn’t get Hansen out of his head.

Two weeks after the Incident, Evan had touched him on the shoulder and said, “Hey.”  
And Connor had frozen.  
Like, actually frozen.  
His body seized up, his heart somehow wound up in his throat, and he lost the ability to speak(or function at all, really). He had not been at all prepared to look up and meet Hansen’s eyes. Because God, those eyes.  
They were blue, like really blue, and damn if it didn’t throw him for a loop. He didn’t move, didn’t speak, just stood there transfixed because he looked so earnest and kind and why-no, how-was he looking at Connor like that?  
Evan swallowed. “Uh, I’m sorry. For, um, you know. Telling everybody we were friends.”  
Connor nodded. “Nah, it’s cool.”  
He shook his head. “No, it’s not. I took advantage of you and I shouldn’t have done that.”  
“It’s fine,” Connor insisted. He carefully didn’t say ‘I’d allow anything for you’. It’s not like he could.

Two weeks later, Zoe told him that she and Evan were dating. 

Which was fine, right? Sure, he was straight, meaning Connor didn't have a chance with him, but if he was being honest he hadn’t ever had a chance with him, not really. Connor Murphy, dating someone? Connor, the freak? Connor, the psychopath? Yeah, no. Besides, he’d done enough shit to Zoe already. He was trying to reconnect - he couldn’t throw that away for stupid crush. He’d been an ass to Evan, too. And he was in love - really, truly in love - and that was the most terrifying thing he had even known. He would never forgive himself if he poisoned Evan. Evan, who tried so hard to be make people happy, to please. The opposite of Connor.  
So he plastered on his most convincing smile and pretended that his heart wasn’t being ripped into tiny shreds and scattered on the ground.  
He could pretend. He would pretend. For Zoe, for Evan, for himself.  
He’d long ago learned how to lie.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok I know this seems rushed, but Connor had wanted to come out a long time ago and he finally managed to do it. Let’s see how this plays out.  
> Spoiler alert: not well.  
> TW for brief violence/homophobic language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this fic Larry’s kind of a dick tbh

Connor took a deep breath.  
‘Okay,’ he thought. ‘This is fine. This is very fine. You’re gay, you know that, they should know that too. You’re gonna be fine. It’s not like you haven’t done worse things, it’s not immoral or any bullshit like that, it’s fine.’

He had no idea how wrong he was.

That night, after dinner, Connor had taken a deep breath, stood up, and said “I’m gay.”  
Dead silence.  
Larry stared at him. “Are you kidding?” he said incredulously. “I thought you weren’t acting out anymore.”  
Connor blinked. “What?”  
Larry scowled. “You said you were getting better. Now you show up and tell me you’re a fucking faggot? Bullshit. I thought that you already got enough attention. Clearly, I was wrong.”  
“I’m not acting out,” Connor snapped. “And this isn’t for attention. I like men. So what? Can’t deal with a homosexual son?”  
Larry punched him in the jaw. Hard. His head snapped to the side, and Larry hit him again.  
And again.  
And again.  
Was that blood on his face? He could taste some in his mouth, sharp and metallic. He was vaguely aware of Larry kicking him in the ribs. He could kind of hear shouting - Cynthia? Zoe? He wasn’t sure. It all blurred into a fuzzy, blood-colored haze. Why couldn’t he breathe? Why was it so hard to think? Why wasn’t he moving?  
It took him a moment to realize Larry wasn’t hitting him anymore.  
“Get out,” Larry snarled. “I don’t want you to show your disgusting face around here ever again.”  
Connor took a shaky breath, pushing himself up. He could still taste blood.  
“Out!” Larry screamed.  
Connor slowly stood and walked out the door. His hands were shaking so hard he could barely turn the handle.  
As he stepped out into the night, he wondered where he was going to go from here.  
He couldn’t go home.  
Would he ever go back home?  
Did he even want to?  
He found a couple dollars in his pocket and went to a convenience store for some Band-Aids. He vaguely recognized the cashier as a girl from his school. She didn’t acknowledge him. He appreciated that. It was just better that way.

It was always better that way.

As he stepped out onto the street again, that same damned question kept repeating itself over and over in his head. Another cycle. Another pointless exercise, continuously asking a question with no answer.

Where would he go from here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all enjoyed this lil dumpster fire. Tell me what you think PLEASE.  
> Also, speaking of coming out, I have a very Orthodox Christian family and idk how to tell my dad that I’m bi so welp


	3. A/N

So I know I intended to do something with this fic, but I’m gonna have to discontinue it until I get my other projects worked out. I didn’t know where this was going, I don’t like how it turned out, and I’m gonna just stop it for now.  
Sorry about that, y’all.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment what you thought and personal plot requests(no smut please)


End file.
